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Kaspersky Lab Amphibian


- Have you activated carbon?
- No, we only coal, activated, but you can activate it by sending an SMS with the word "coal" to the number 4242.

job search becomes especially difficult when you have no desire to work.

the situation is more complicated, less charge is the battery of your phone.

application to the mayor of the city of Uriùpinsk:
- As the City seeks to solve the problem of pollen from poplars?
- Like all the other problems in Russia, complaining and whining.

- No, do not travel in the past. We travel from there.

It 's a sin to envy your neighbor with if he (she) can make a Another type of sin.

The new secretary:
- my God, you want time off? And if the question?
- I wonder if atheists are not there.

The clerk of the Kaspersky Lab is unable to return to his house after the expiry of validity of the key.

The son of a friend of mine has developed from high school. When the director of the office where I work asked me if I saw someone in charge for the workshop, I, pleased I have said yes.
- And how old is he?
- 18!
- After thinking a moment, the director said
- No, it will be too young for me ...


xxx: graduates in mathematics, what kind of work do they do?
yyy: working in the engineering industry, sharpen the integrals on a lathe.

- My daughter, when did you stop smoking?
- Daddy, stop immediately when I become pregnant.
- Fuma, my daughter, he smokes ...

Odessa
- Can I rent something cheap, but very close to the sea?
- There is a variant. The perparerò the bed on a beacon.

The selfless love exists. Particularly that of women to men good, cheerful and generous.

- always go how I order my conscience.
- And I, in reverse, I always listen to the voice of reason.

One morning he will wake up and realize that has a tremendous need me, and I, at the same time I wake up with that, those who have learned before him.

seems to me that I'm pregnant: I feel like throwing up from work and I'm drawn to the salty sea.


The photos are from the portal AddFun.ru

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It happens sometimes that I'm sitting all day in front of the TV screen. And 'boring! But if you turn on the TV will be even worse!

- Overcoming corruption in Russia? Fast and cheap? Any ideas?
- Change names! Both of the one, or the other!

- How do because the banana does not tarnish?
- easy! Do not tan without her panties!

What do I think, if during the first visit to the house of my girlfriend, who does not speak his parrot, imitating the sounds of the bed that creaks?

after the wedding when my wife started complaining about lack of attention on my part, I quoted a Japanese proverb always: "Why feed the fish caught?"

circulating noises that during the riots in Egypt, was stolen from the mummy of Tutankhamun. The analytical opined that they want to resurrect and to appoint the President of Egypt.

Vodka is a drink, and fuel, that runs throughout the country.

I hate to travel by train, it is difficult to drink so much! Buses to hate even more: you can not drink there. The air here is a choice of a modern person! Have you drunk at the airport, and when you wake up - you are already arrived at the destination!


With my wife we \u200b\u200bwent away from home for a few days. The key to the left we have an old neighbor, to feed our two cats. But we forgot to turn off the alarm in our TV, turn it off at 8:00 and 12:00. But that's okay, it's just bad. The day after the close call, scared, my husband and told him
- quando sono venuta, il TV era acceso e non c'era nessuno a casa, solo due gatti giacciono sul divano.
Mio marito, imperturbabile, fa:
- Non si preoccupi, signora, non è un male! Noi gli permettiamo di guardare la TV. Lo principale che non giochino i giochi al computer!

La scuola, una lezione di fila. Ma la maestra dell'inglese è malata, perciò al posto dell'inglese abbiamo l'informatica. Un tizio arriva 5 minuti di ritardo, ed entrato, comincia a dire in inglese le scuse per il suo ritardo. E di repente, vede l'insegnante dell'informatica, il quale al momento non era alla cattedra, ma fra gli alunni. Tace. L'insegnante:
- Hai sbagliato, abbiamo la lezione dell'informatica.
Tardato:
- Sì?
- Vedi? Così, ripeta cosa hai detto, ma stavolta in codice binario!

- Ragazze, care mie! Macché ssenso spendere tanti soldi per la biancheria intima bella, che costa una lira di dio? Lo stesso non la vede quasi nessuno! Otre, può darsi, di una persona. O di due, tre... ma al massimo cinque!

Sei diventato adulto, quando guardando un film porno pensi:
- Dio mio, e anche questa ha pure un padre, poverino!

Un affisso sulla porta del sex - shop:
E' vietato d'entrare con il Suo.

Su alcuni siti porno c'è una sezione: "Le ragazze vestite. Per sviluppare la tua immaginazione".

Un maestro di scuola domanda:
- Children, as it is called a being who can live both in water and on land?
- Sailor!

- Look, but are you sure that this beautiful knitted jacket that you bought, do not see the same on any other round?
- Sure! I took the bear because it was the last one in the shop!


The photos are from the portal AddFun.ru

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Colonel Kaddafi




A computer calls to the library:
- Can I talk to Katie?
- You are in the archive.
- The disarchivi please I have an urgent need to talk to her.

A friend of mine is on a business trip to Japan. He says:
Today I came to know that the control panel of a Japanese toilet bowl has n. 14 buttons, two of which are double. I feel like Conan the Barbarian. While inside the soul I feel a bit 'offended that it did not greet me or leave.

the evening, 23:30. They talk about mother and daughter.
- Elena, fell as your date with your boyfriend?
- Excellent!
- When were excellent mine, I came home the morning.

The Sultan of Oman made a series of shootings in his government.

A phone call to the radio "Alla"
- You can make a play for my friend the song by the Pugacёva "A real colonel!"
- What is the name of his knowledge?
- Colonel Kaddafi.
- No.
- And what a song, then I can give him?
- that of the group "B-2" - "Nobody writes to the colonel."

before the wedding do you think there is no better than her, before the divorce - that there is no worse than her. Wow! You are wrong both times!

The owner says the tenant:
- I have dried up and both the permanent night visits to her lover!
- Mah .. She also goes by? I did not know.

the last day of winter and the militia. Winter will return between 9 months, while the militia ...

Up to 17 years did not even suspect that the "Lollipop - licking" if they can enjoy ...

Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has guessed, that image will be elected as the talisman of the Olympiad - 2014. It seems that there appeared to be the new Paul prophesied.

there a mathematical proof of the fact that money is a Male: Make an addition of all the rated notes Russian: 5000 + 1000 + 500 + 100 + 50 + 10 = 6660:)

British scientists are satisfied that the saporizzanti agents and seasoned nature identical make you feel like the same as natural.

The man is destined to happiness like the leopard Olympics in Sochi.
["Man is destined to happiness as the bird is intended to fly" - the words of Katerina by Aleksandr Ostrovsky's drama "The Hurricane"]

The good people is necessary because the bad people still alive better.